Tammy McMullen | our journey

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October 7, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Inquiring minds…they want to know!

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It’s true right? We have questions when people make a major life change. We want to know why in the world they would do something like that. Have they lost their minds? Are they having a mid life crisis? Are they running away from something? They just think the grass is greener on the other side right?

I think we may have had all of those things, and a few more, said to us before we moved.

People had a hard time understanding why we would move. Throw in the fact that we were moving to Southern California, and oh me oh my, the things that people said! Some days I had to make sure that I wasn’t using the wrong words and telling people that we were moving to a terrorist country by the way they reacted. If I am being honest, there were a lot of hurt feelings before we moved, but I will save that for a later post.

So, now that we have been in SoCal for a few months, I thought it might be interesting to answer some of the most popular questions we were asked, or comment on some of the things people told us we were going to experience..

Inquiring minds…here you go:

You know how expensive it is to live there right?

This had to be the statement we heard the most. I think it may have come out of everyone’s mouth when we told them (ok, that may be an exaggeration but it sure felt like everyone). Well, is it true? Is it really that expensive to live in SoCal? If all you are looking at is housing, then yes, yes it is. The prices of homes here are ridiculous, I call them “stupid expensive.” The problem…there are people here who can afford homes at that price, actually they can pay cash for those homes. In case you were wondering…no, that would not be me or most of the people I know here 🙂 So, yes the price to buy or rent a home is very expensive. Other than that though I have not seen a real difference between here and Granger, Indiana. I spend the same amount on groceries and have actually found that some things are less expensive here. Our utilities here are much less expensive than they were in Granger. Part of that is due to only running the air for about 2 weeks total this summer (gotta love the hot days, cool nights and no humidity…that is SoCal). From what I have heard you really don’t have to run your heat much in the winter either. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me…it is one of the many reasons I am good with living here!! Eating out tends to run about the same too. Now I don’t eat at the high end restaurants, and really have no desire to, so I’m sure you could spend a lot more there. Gas for your car is also a tad more expensive but to be honest, nothing like I was expecting. So if you take housing out of the equation (yes I know you can’t really do that unless you plan to live on the beach, which by the way I might be ok with) it really isn’t that different. Keep in mind you make more money here for the same job than you do other places (I think mostly so that you can afford to have a roof over your head…again stupid expensive housing), so that does help equal things out.

Traffic…you know you will be sitting in traffic for hours right?

Yes, there is more traffic. I guess that is what happens when you live with 3 million other people. Yes, it does take me longer to get some places. No, you don’t want to be on the 5 or 405 at certain times of the day. Truth is, you don’t live with that many people and not have traffic. But since they know that, most every road you drive on here is at least 3 lanes and the speed limit is 55 just about everywhere. I still find it hard to drive that fast in some areas. It just feels too fast to this Midwestern girl! The beautiful thing though is that Irvine is a planned community. What does that mean? It means that they plan ahead so that everything you need is within reach. Tyler’s school is right across the street from us, he either walks or rides his bike to school everyday. The girls HS is 10 minutes away and they are technically not at their neighborhood HS, if they were it would be about 5 minutes away. Within 5 minutes from us, we have a grocery store, gas station, Trader Joes, HomeGoods, Home Depot, Kohl’s, banks, restaurants, soccer fields, post office, etc. Just about anything we need! So yes, there is more traffic, yes you do have to plan more time to get some places but overall it isn’t as big of a deal as I expected it to be!

You know people there are just rude/mean/fake/catty
and list went on and on.

Oh and I would never want to raise a family there! Those were just a few of the things that I was told about people here in CA. I was telling a friend that I met here what people had said to me, and she couldn’t believe that people actually felt that way about Californians. I had to laugh, because she is a native Californian and just couldn’t understand it. I told her I thought that probably came from the TV shows that people watch and that this area gets lumped in with LA and all the craziness that exists in the Hollywood scene. What I have found is people are people…all made in the image of God! Sure we have our differences, but you find those differences every where you go. I have met some of the nicest people here in CA, people who took it upon themselves to talk to me, invite me to coffee, invite my family over for a BBQ, etc. Now in the name of honesty I have had a run in with someone who wasn’t so encouraging, but I just smiled and let her speak her peace – deciding that it wasn’t worth my time or energy (though don’t get me wrong I had all sorts of things I wanted to say to her :)). But here is the thing, I had those same kind of run-ins with people in Granger. Midwesterners have this idea that people in California are catty and uppity, but again, there are those same types in the good ole Midwest. The biggest difference I’ve seen with people here are cultural differences. There are so many nationalities represented in Irvine. At times that can be intimidating, because I don’t feel like I have anything in common with them. But I have decided that a simple smile speaks a thousand words, and can go a long way. I take it upon myself to make eye contact with as many people as I can each day and make sure that I give them the biggest smile. I hope that smile communicates I’m glad to see them, and that I am grateful that God has given us this world to share.

I could continue this list but I am sure most of you have stopped reading by now 🙂 Here is what I have come to believe:

People are scared of change and the things they know nothing about.

It is much easier for most of us to live in our comfortable little bubble and assume we know how the rest of the world lives. Yep, that used to be me too. But here is what I have come to understand – God created it all! He made us and different parts of the country different for a reason, and thank goodness he did (have you seen the majesty of the mountains or the vastness of the ocean?). So, I am choosing to open my mind and heart and not be scared of differences. Instead, I’m trying to embrace it and teach my children that change is not something to be feared, but to be embraced.

So there you have it inquiring minds…now you know! Feel free to resume life as normal, or come visit me and check out SoCal for yourself. Be careful though, you might just fall in love!

May 22, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Yep, I am still here

web100-6143 I know, I know…it has been way too long since I have written anything! Believe me, I have so many things to say and to update you on. But time is not my friend right now! I need about 5 more hours in a day or the ability to not have to sleep would be great too!

So what has been going on in the McMullen world you may ask? Well here is a short list:

Packing, sorting, purging, packing, sorting, purging…you get the drift right? It just hit me last night that our moving truck is being loaded in 2 short weeks. Yikes! I probably shouldn’t be sitting here writing this, but well you know!
Trying to finish work out, and get everything transitioned well.
Running my 3 kids from here and there and then back again.
Getting ready for a garage sale and running that for 2 days – thank goodness that is over!
Running a household, or at least doing the best I can right now.

web100-6071 Then There Is California:

Helping Daryl make decisions on housing in CA – hallelujah that is over! Talk about stress beyond belief…yeeks! The good news though, we have a place to live in Cali!
Trying to get schools figured out and make sure we have everything in place for that transition now.
Starting the process of cancelling things here and getting things started there.
Figuring out what furniture we are taking with us and what we are leaving here. This part absolutely makes my brain hurt!
Trying to get times scheduled for my kids to have some one-on-one time with their friends before we depart.
Still trying to be a good friend and spend time with those I love! One thing I want to make sure of is that I don’t look back on these last few weeks here and wish I would have spent more time with friends!
Wondering what kind of moving materials we need to make sure the furniture we are taking makes it in one piece.
Do we really have to find a whole new bank? Yeah, we really do, but because our credit union has shared branches out there we can hold off on that for a bit longer.
Getting ready to go to DC with Rachel for her 8th grade trip. To be honest, I am kind of looking forward to a break from my life right now…even if it is with a bunch of middle schoolers!
Doing my best to not forget what it is like to be married – to say it has been a very rough last couple of weeks would be an understatement! There are so many feelings floating around for both of us right now, but I will save that for another blog post.
Did I mention packing, sorting purging? Oh yes, yes I did 🙂

With all the things on my to do list I have barely had time to think about how I am feeling! Most days I think I am doing ok, and then I decide to take all the pictures off my family room wall, and that sends me into a mini melt down!

I know without a shadow of a doubt that the next few weeks are going to hard on so many levels. All I can do is hold on to God with all I have right now and continue to trust that we are following His plan for our lives!

Until next time friends, just remember…it won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it!

April 24, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Well, my day was worse than yours!

web100-5612 These last 2 weeks have been rough! Well, if I am being completely honest they have just down right sucked. I am trying hard to stay positive, keep my head above water and not just end up mad at the world. Some days I do better than others, but man am I ready for some normalcy!

We had a great Spring Break. Florida was good to us. We had time to rest, relax, laugh, spend time with friends, soak up some sun and forget about the chaos that is our life right now. It did our whole family good! It felt normal and right to all be together, but boy it didn’t take long once we got home for life to kick back in. Ty spent the 2 nights before Daryl went back to CA crying himself to sleep, because he didn’t want his Daddy to leave. Yes, that ripped a hole in my heart. Then Rach said at dinner the night before he left that it just felt weird having Dad home. And there went the hole in Daryl’s heart!

As soon as Daryl went back to CA (just 2 weeks ago) life kicked into over drive. One kid in track at her school, with practice before school every morning and 2 meets a week. Two kids in travel soccer which means 3 days a week of practice and then games on the weekends. Last week I was in Ohio and Lafayette, IN for games. And this weekend I’m in Indianapolis, IN and Kalamazoo, MI. I Feel bad that I can’t see all of their games, but it just isn’t humanly possible! Add in, trying to schedule driving lessons for the eldest, upcoming spring choir concerts, work getting crazy busy for me in the next 3 weeks (with 3 nights that I will have to be away from home), trying to go through the house and get ready for a garage sale, packing, finalizing details on a moving company, keeping up with my house (inside and out), trying to be mom and dad to the kids, looking for houses in CA and the list just goes on and on. To say I am barely hanging on some days would be an understatement.

As the stress creeps in I can feel it pulling at both Daryl and I. It gets really easy to get frustrated at each other because they just don’t understand what the other one is going through. You start to feel like your needs aren’t being met, that the other person really doesn’t care and is to caught up in their own life to have any sympathy for you. Deep down you know none of this is really true, but it doesn’t stop the feelings from being there. Then you don’t talk as much as you should, you let days go by without really having a conversation. The texts are just questions, or information that needs to be given. After someone vents about their day the other person says “Oh yeah, well I have to do yada yada yada, and my day sucked even worse.” It’s a vicious cycle and one I am not proud of, but I am convinced that it’s what happens when you live across the country from each other. It’s easy to get mad and frustrated and stay that way when you don’t see the person every day. Now, don’t worry, Daryl and I are just fine! This is what marriage is… the good, the bad and all the in between! It’s real life! What I do know is that we will come out of this time having learned some lessons. And one of the big ones for me is DON’T live apart from your spouse!

As much as I may not want June to come as quickly as it is, I NEED June to come!

I need this part of the transition to be over!

I need help from my other half.

I need my family back to together again!

April 12, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

OH, CHANGE!

kids-young Change is an interesting and imminent word! Some love it and some hate it. I get that because when I look at pictures of my kids from this long ago I hate it, but when I think about the amazing young women and men they are growing up to be – I love it! For some people just hearing the word change sends them into cold sweats and makes them want to run for the hills. Then there is the other group that loves change, they find it exhilarating, they like it be right in the middle of it as much as possible and they crave the chaos that change can at times bring. Throughout my life I have seen people on both sides, and I am a true believer that living in either extreme just isn’t good for anyone.

I have seen how people deal with and react to change mostly in my job. When I am interviewing people, I talk to them about change because it is such a big part of working with a government run program. We talk about the fact you will just learn a new process and then it will change. At times, the change doesn’t seem to make any sense and may even cause more work. But often there is nothing you can do about it (at least for the time being). I ask them how they handle change. Does it make them cynical? Do they bad mouth the people who instituted the change? Do they jump in and get people all worked up about it? Or can they step back from it, think about it rationally (even if they don’t agree with it or it is going to make life a little harder) and embrace it?

I’m not really a fan of extremes, when it comes to how people deal with change or really anything in life for that matter! For the most part I think we do better living somewhere in the middle! I tell my kids all the time, can you eat foods that are unhealthy for you? Yes! Should you eat the whole bag of cookies, No! Is it ok every now and then to have a cookie or two, absolutely! I know that seems pretty simplistic, but I believe that most often in life it is the simple answer that we should look for!

Change in the workplace is one thing, but when it impacts our personal lives that is something completely different right? We want things to go smoothly in our personal life! Most of the time we work hard to get things set up the way we want them. We go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have 2 kids (a boy and a girl of course), find hobbies that we love, find a church and surround ourselves with people that we like and who for the most part believe like we do – and we just live! That’s the goal right? Once we have gotten there, life is what it should be right? But what happens when there is a change? What happens when that job falls apart and we have to find something else? What happens when a spouse decides that she really isn’t the one for him anymore? What happens when a friend changes their views on things and starts to pull away from you? Well, let’s be honest, that is change that we want to stomp our feet at and scream at the top of our lungs about. Change in policies at work, sure I can do that! But losing my job, my marriage, my best friend? Well that just sucks!

The reality is this: change in life is inevitable. It’s going to happen! Sometimes it will be change that we bring on ourselves and other times it will be something that happens to us. I have had many times in my life where change has happened to me! I didn’t want it, I didn’t like it and yes I may have stomped my feet like a 2 year old at times.

This time I am the one bringing on the change upon myself. We looked for it, sought it out and chose the path we’re now on. It just seemed like the right time to take that step. Does that make it easy for those in our life? Nope, not at all! I actually think it may make it harder! If we didn’t have a choice in it, then you can blame all of the emotions on someone/something else. But when all of the emotions come to the surface, there is no one to blame but us!

It has been a hard road at times with some of the people we love most in this world. There have been hurt feelings on both sides and many tears shed (at least by me)! The emotions may have been extreme in moments, but what I am thankful for is that none of us are willing to live there! We may have all stomped our feet in the beginning, but slowly we are beginning to embrace it. I am hoping that once family and friends come visit Southern California that they will actually be thankful that we moved there 🙂 I know that is simplistic, but here’s to hoping that the simple answer wins out in the end!

March 21, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

LET’S BE REAL

tammy-daryl-xmas There were a lot of conversations, thoughts and prayers that went into making the decision to move, and to have our family separated for close to 5 months. Daryl and I talked about what it would be like to be apart for that long. We talked through logistics, talked about those things that he HAD to be home for, talked about what needed to be done before he left and talked about how the kids would handle it. We even had several conversations about what it would mean for our relationship. How we would handle being apart, what we would need to do to stay connected and how we might feel when we came back together again for good. Even though I felt like we talked about everything we could think of, I don’t think any of it prepared us for some of the emotions we have experienced.

Leading up to Daryl leaving I was pretty emotional. As we walked around the house and he showed me all of the things I needed to know (you know those things I never cared about before, like how to turn the water off in the house, because I knew he had it covered) I just cried. Anytime anyone said goodbye to him I cried. As he packed up his stuff I cried. You get the point. I was pretty much an emotional wreck leading up to his departure. When the day came for him to leave, nothing changed. As he said goodbye to the kids, I cried (and felt incredibly sad for them). As he and his Dad pulled out of the driveway I cried. As I went through my day, I cried. When dinner time came that night, I cried. Through all of that he was the strong one. He kept telling me that he would see us in a few weeks, that we would talk or FaceTime whenever we wanted. He kept telling me “Don’t cry, it will all be ok.”

As the first and second week went by it got a little easier, but dinner time and Friday afternoons were still hard! Around 5pm every night I would find myself waiting for him to walk in the door from work, and when that didn’t happen I would get sad. It didn’t help that the kids were also pretty mopey during dinner time. After a couple of days, Ty said “It is so sad that Dad isn’t here for dinner with us every night, his chair seems so lonely.” That night he drew a person, cut it out and taped it to Daryl’s chair. Now Dad would be with us for dinner every night 🙂

Friday evenings were hard too. Friday night is normally family night in our house. A night where we are all huddled together after a long week. It was also a reminder that the weekend was here, a time that I used to look forward to, but now it just made me sad. We would talk or FaceTime with Daryl on Friday night and as I said goodbye I would get emotional. Again, Daryl would remind me that it was all going to be ok and that he would be home soon (soon to me means SOON, you know like a couple of hours or maybe even a day or 2. but over 3 weeks didn’t really count as soon in my book).

As the days went by things got easier. We got used to our new normal! We counted down the days until we got to go to Cali, and I cried less and less. I would still tell Daryl how much I missed him and how I wasn’t really a fan of doing life on my own. He would tell me that he missed me too, but he always stayed overly positive! To be honest, this started to irritate me. I didn’t feel like he was being real with me and I long for people in my life to be “real.” It started to make me feel like it didn’t really bother him that we were apart. It started to make me question things I don’t normally question. I thought all of that would go away as soon as we saw each other again, so I couldn’t wait for our trip to Cali at the end of January.

The trip was great, we had a fantastic time! It was amazing to be together again, but there were moments that just felt awkward! This was my husband, and awkward wasn’t a feeling I have had around him for a very long time. I didn’t like it, and I wasn’t ok with it! As I thought about it, I knew it was because we weren’t being real with each other. He was doing his best to stay positive and act like living apart was no big deal – so he could be strong for me (this all came out after me saying “I’m done with the overly positive attitude, just be real and tell me how you are feeling. I don’t want you to tell me that it will all be ok, I want you to tell me that this sucks!”) He heard me! And in hearing me the real truth came out!

Leading up to Daryl leaving, and really for the first month or so that he was gone, all I really thought about was how it was affecting the kids and I. I had this notion that he was loving life out there and that he really didn’t mind being alone most of the time. He is an introvert and likes to be home and by himself at times, so this was the perfect scenario for him, right? Nope, not really! What I have come to realize is that he is pretty lonely out there. I remember a friend telling me before Daryl left that I had to think about how he was going to feel being alone. After all, the kids and I would have each other and would continue to live life as normal. But he would be living a completely new life with nothing normal to hold onto.

I don’t think the loneliness really set in for him until the last month or so. We are so blessed to have my Aunt and Uncle out there, and Daryl lived with them for the first month and a half, which was a great thing for him on so many levels! He was given an opportunity to live closer to work in February, which meant 3 less hours a day for him the car. Obviously this was a no-brainer. But what we didn’t realize is how lonely he would feel in that environment. I know it would drive me CRAZY to be by myself every night. That would be torture for me, but I think he is feeling the same way.

To be honest, there is part of me that wishes he would have just continued to stay with my Aunt and Uncle! I know that doesn’t make sense given the driving he was doing, but he had people that were there, and could provide that level of support that we have here. I keep asking myself, “Did we make the right decision to live apart for 5 months?” My answer for my kids continues to be yes. But it also kills me to know that my other half is lonely! If you know my husband, could you do me a favor? Could you reach out to him, check in on him or just ask him how things are going? I know if it was me, the only thing that would get me through is hearing from my family and friends on a regular basis!

Thanks friends!

Don’t forget to love each other well! You never know where life is going to take you, so love those around you with all you have! My hope is that people in my life never have to guess how I feel about them, and that they will know that they are loved beyond measure! I hope the same for each and every one of you!

March 5, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

ARE YOU SURE GOD?

mariners-worship-center Moving across the country is an easy decision right? You apply for a job, you interview, the offer comes and as long as all the numbers add up and you know you can make it work. So it’s an easy “yes” right? After all, you were the one who started looking. You decided that you were ready for a change. You knew you wanted to be someplace warm. You knew that it would mean a move for your family. But an easy decision?? Not at all! Actually, it is one of the hardest decisions we have made!

I knew that this decision wasn’t just up to us. I knew that in order for us to make the best decision, God had to be apart of the equation. I will admit, I have had times in my life when I feel really close to God, and I have also had times where I feel pretty far away from Him. Even in those time where I felt far away, I have never questioned my beliefs. I know that God exists, I know that He wants to be a part of our lives, I know that He loves us and is for us and listens to us. But I get lazy sometimes, I let life get in the way and I stop praying on a regular basis. I made a commitment to myself last year that I would turn the radio off in my car every morning and I would pray. I have a pretty regular routine most mornings so I knew this would get me in the habit of praying again, and it did.

As the opportunity at Mariners started to fall into place, I found myself praying quite often. I really didn’t have any desire to move to Cali. It was too far away and way too expensive. I was pretty sure that there was no way that God was going to send us there. Again, He knew what was best for us, and we hadn’t even really discussed living in CA? As things got more real and it seemed that Cali was a viable option, I found myself feeling the need to pray at random times throughout the day. I remember waking up one night in the middle of night, and just felt God telling me to pray. I didn’t really know why I needed to pray, or for what, but that had never happened to me before. To be honest, I still don’t know exactly why I was woken up like that, but I learned that I needed to act on those nudges that I was getting.

Before Daryl and I made our trip to Cali in August to interview and check the area out, I felt God tell me to “Trust Him.” Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hear an audible voice. He didn’t write that in the sky for me. As I was praying one day, those words just came to me and I knew it was God. Before this, I had only had one other time in my life when I felt God “talk” to me like that. Ok, I get it God – you are here and listening. You are asking me to trust you. Ok, makes sense, I get it. But again I really don’t want to move that far away. I actually asked God to close doors in Cali. Yep, I admit it, I did! If doors were closed, it would be an easy decision right? God didn’t do that though, he actually did the exact opposite.

We felt like every door we walked through while we were in Cali just felt right. I remember as we were driving around thinking, “Ok, maybe we could do this.” But again doubt crept in. I thought about our kids, I thought about our family and friends, I thought about how expensive it is, I thought about how hard it would be to pick our lives up and move here. I came back to, “I don’t really think I want to do this, this is scary…really scary!”

One day as Daryl was interviewing I decided to walk the campus at Mariners. As I walked, I prayed about how scared I was feeling. I had probably walked the same path about 4 times already, but all the sudden I found myself tripping over something, and literally fell into the bushes. I took a quick inventory. “Nope, no one was around to watch me make a fool out of myself,” so I continued on. The next time I came upon that spot, I slowed down my pace and my brain for just a couple of seconds to make sure it didn’t happen again, and these two words stirred in my soul: “Be Brave!”

At this point, there was no denying it. As much as I didn’t think this is what I wanted to do, I knew for a fact that this is what God was asking us to do. I tell my kids all the time to listen to God and follow His path for their lives. Could I really do the exact opposite, when I knew what God was asking us to do? I knew the answer was no. I knew I needed to trust him and be brave! To be honest, I still don’t know why God is calling us to Cali. I would love to think it is for the nice weather, ocean and palm trees. But I am pretty sure that isn’t the case 🙂 For now, I am just believing that His ways are better than mine, trying to remember that He loves my family more than I do, and letting my Faith Be Bigger Than My Fear!

March 2, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Welcome to our journey

tammy-mcmullen-headshot Well hello there! Welcome to tammymcmullen.com, because I couldn’t come up with anything more clever…no really it’s the truth! For those of you that may not know me, I am just a little ole midwestern girl who’s lived all of her life in Indiana and is moving her family across the country to California. Yes, you read that right! I did say California!

But it is expensive to live there you know?

Yep, we are well aware – and no, you are not the first person to ask us that. More on that in another post!

I know it is a little strange to have a welcome post that isn’t the first post – but it will all make sense here in a bit.

Why start a blog? Do people even read blogs anymore? Maybe…maybe not, but to be honest I am perfectly fine if only my husband and a few close friends stay tuned. The reason for this blog is to have a place to document our journey. My goal is to be completely honest! To write about the good, the bad and the ugly when it comes to moving your family across the country. If I am being completely honest, I also think it may be therapeutic for me (but shhh don’t tell anyone)!

Why 2 previous posts before this one? Well, as I was praying last week the idea hit me… …wouldn’t it be great to document this move?

After coming home and telling my husband (who just happened to be home for the week) here we are! The thing is, we had already posted about our decision to move to Cali back in January on my husbands blog, and I had posted on Facebook about how much I was missing him just a couple of weeks ago. Those posts are all part of our story and I wanted to keep the appropriate dates on them so that when we look back at this, I can remember how I was feeling when.

So here it is: Post #1 that is really post #3 🙂

If you don’t know anything about our story, go back and read the first post and you will be all caught up!

It’s going to be some journey for the 5 of us! Only a little more than 3 months until we call Cali home (or at least the place we will be living)!

I hope you stay tuned, but if you don’t well that’s ok too!

I may just shed an extra tear here or there 🙂