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October 7, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Inquiring minds…they want to know!

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It’s true right? We have questions when people make a major life change. We want to know why in the world they would do something like that. Have they lost their minds? Are they having a mid life crisis? Are they running away from something? They just think the grass is greener on the other side right?

I think we may have had all of those things, and a few more, said to us before we moved.

People had a hard time understanding why we would move. Throw in the fact that we were moving to Southern California, and oh me oh my, the things that people said! Some days I had to make sure that I wasn’t using the wrong words and telling people that we were moving to a terrorist country by the way they reacted. If I am being honest, there were a lot of hurt feelings before we moved, but I will save that for a later post.

So, now that we have been in SoCal for a few months, I thought it might be interesting to answer some of the most popular questions we were asked, or comment on some of the things people told us we were going to experience..

Inquiring minds…here you go:

You know how expensive it is to live there right?

This had to be the statement we heard the most. I think it may have come out of everyone’s mouth when we told them (ok, that may be an exaggeration but it sure felt like everyone). Well, is it true? Is it really that expensive to live in SoCal? If all you are looking at is housing, then yes, yes it is. The prices of homes here are ridiculous, I call them “stupid expensive.” The problem…there are people here who can afford homes at that price, actually they can pay cash for those homes. In case you were wondering…no, that would not be me or most of the people I know here 🙂 So, yes the price to buy or rent a home is very expensive. Other than that though I have not seen a real difference between here and Granger, Indiana. I spend the same amount on groceries and have actually found that some things are less expensive here. Our utilities here are much less expensive than they were in Granger. Part of that is due to only running the air for about 2 weeks total this summer (gotta love the hot days, cool nights and no humidity…that is SoCal). From what I have heard you really don’t have to run your heat much in the winter either. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me…it is one of the many reasons I am good with living here!! Eating out tends to run about the same too. Now I don’t eat at the high end restaurants, and really have no desire to, so I’m sure you could spend a lot more there. Gas for your car is also a tad more expensive but to be honest, nothing like I was expecting. So if you take housing out of the equation (yes I know you can’t really do that unless you plan to live on the beach, which by the way I might be ok with) it really isn’t that different. Keep in mind you make more money here for the same job than you do other places (I think mostly so that you can afford to have a roof over your head…again stupid expensive housing), so that does help equal things out.

Traffic…you know you will be sitting in traffic for hours right?

Yes, there is more traffic. I guess that is what happens when you live with 3 million other people. Yes, it does take me longer to get some places. No, you don’t want to be on the 5 or 405 at certain times of the day. Truth is, you don’t live with that many people and not have traffic. But since they know that, most every road you drive on here is at least 3 lanes and the speed limit is 55 just about everywhere. I still find it hard to drive that fast in some areas. It just feels too fast to this Midwestern girl! The beautiful thing though is that Irvine is a planned community. What does that mean? It means that they plan ahead so that everything you need is within reach. Tyler’s school is right across the street from us, he either walks or rides his bike to school everyday. The girls HS is 10 minutes away and they are technically not at their neighborhood HS, if they were it would be about 5 minutes away. Within 5 minutes from us, we have a grocery store, gas station, Trader Joes, HomeGoods, Home Depot, Kohl’s, banks, restaurants, soccer fields, post office, etc. Just about anything we need! So yes, there is more traffic, yes you do have to plan more time to get some places but overall it isn’t as big of a deal as I expected it to be!

You know people there are just rude/mean/fake/catty
and list went on and on.

Oh and I would never want to raise a family there! Those were just a few of the things that I was told about people here in CA. I was telling a friend that I met here what people had said to me, and she couldn’t believe that people actually felt that way about Californians. I had to laugh, because she is a native Californian and just couldn’t understand it. I told her I thought that probably came from the TV shows that people watch and that this area gets lumped in with LA and all the craziness that exists in the Hollywood scene. What I have found is people are people…all made in the image of God! Sure we have our differences, but you find those differences every where you go. I have met some of the nicest people here in CA, people who took it upon themselves to talk to me, invite me to coffee, invite my family over for a BBQ, etc. Now in the name of honesty I have had a run in with someone who wasn’t so encouraging, but I just smiled and let her speak her peace – deciding that it wasn’t worth my time or energy (though don’t get me wrong I had all sorts of things I wanted to say to her :)). But here is the thing, I had those same kind of run-ins with people in Granger. Midwesterners have this idea that people in California are catty and uppity, but again, there are those same types in the good ole Midwest. The biggest difference I’ve seen with people here are cultural differences. There are so many nationalities represented in Irvine. At times that can be intimidating, because I don’t feel like I have anything in common with them. But I have decided that a simple smile speaks a thousand words, and can go a long way. I take it upon myself to make eye contact with as many people as I can each day and make sure that I give them the biggest smile. I hope that smile communicates I’m glad to see them, and that I am grateful that God has given us this world to share.

I could continue this list but I am sure most of you have stopped reading by now 🙂 Here is what I have come to believe:

People are scared of change and the things they know nothing about.

It is much easier for most of us to live in our comfortable little bubble and assume we know how the rest of the world lives. Yep, that used to be me too. But here is what I have come to understand – God created it all! He made us and different parts of the country different for a reason, and thank goodness he did (have you seen the majesty of the mountains or the vastness of the ocean?). So, I am choosing to open my mind and heart and not be scared of differences. Instead, I’m trying to embrace it and teach my children that change is not something to be feared, but to be embraced.

So there you have it inquiring minds…now you know! Feel free to resume life as normal, or come visit me and check out SoCal for yourself. Be careful though, you might just fall in love!

September 12, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Is it summer or just a vacation?

How is it September already? I know we say this every summer, but really, where did the summer go? I know summer is kind of a loose term here in Cali since we don’t get winter like most of us think of winter, but the kids are back in school so summer is, as we like to think of it, now over!

It was an interesting summer for us to say the least. From the moment we left IN it just kind of felt like a vacation. We expected our drive out here would feel like that, but that “feeling” didn’t really go away once we got to CA. Now don’t get me wrong, I have had several moments where it didn’t feel like vacation at all. Say for instance, arriving in a new state where you know a total of 5 people (and one of those 5 was a toddler, an adorable one, but a toddler nonetheless) and then your husband leaves for a work trip for 5 days. You are the one who gets to make sure the truck carrying all of our belongings gets to a house that is so new it barely shows up on Google Maps! Then there is the unloading and unpacking so you can feel some sort of normalcy – even if that “normalcy” is sleeping on mattresses on the floor for 4 nights. Then add in that you don’t know how to get anywhere and there are all sorts of things to be bought. Oh and throw in the fact that our neighborhood is new and there are new houses going up everyday, so they gate off the back entrance into the neighborhood at night, and that’s the way your GPS always wants to take you! The kids just reminded me that I had a moment that first week where I tried to get in that back way at night and couldn’t so had to turn around and hope and pray that Google maps would re-route me the right way (which of course it did and my mini panic attack subsided :))!

All I can say is thank goodness I had my 3 kids to help those first few days. They completely unpacked the entire kitchen for me. Yep, they were rock stars.

Even though that week was a tad stressful, it still at times felt like a vacation. We were eating out a lot and buying many new things, oh and also having dessert on a regular basis (the McMullens’ do love their dessert). I had to keep reminding the kids that we weren’t on vacation – that this was just a stage in the process, and as soon as life got settled it would be back to normal.

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Well, that didn’t really happen! There were too many new things to experience here. It was summer after all so “why not” was my motto. Our summer adventures were pretty amazing. We hit the beach and the pool often, Ty paddle-boarded and learned to surf, we went to Sea World with my family, spent an afternoon in La Jolla (pretty sure this is my favorite Cali spot so far). We went to the Surfing and Skateboarding competition on Huntington Beach, watched some beach volleyball Olympians play on Long Beach, and did something the kids have been begging to do for quite awhile…Universal Studios (pretty sure that day went down as one of their faves of the summer)!! We also traveled back to Utah for a family reunion. We got to spend time with family that we hadn’t seen in years and it was SO much fun!

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But even doing all of those things, we still had a lot of down time. The kids hadn’t really met anyone yet, so I became their entertainment…every day! Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and love spending time with them, but the question of the day (every single day, and I’m not exaggerating) was “what are we going to do today?” Soon that question became very annoying. I have never been a parent that feels like I need to entertain my children, but then I also felt badly because I knew they had no one else but their family. But we made it through, and we all still want to spend time together so I guess that is a good sign 🙂

Even though we had moments of sadness and nothing really felt normal, I am pretty sure this summer will go down as the summer that felt like a 2 month vacation…and you know what? I am perfectly fine with that!

May 22, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Yep, I am still here

web100-6143 I know, I know…it has been way too long since I have written anything! Believe me, I have so many things to say and to update you on. But time is not my friend right now! I need about 5 more hours in a day or the ability to not have to sleep would be great too!

So what has been going on in the McMullen world you may ask? Well here is a short list:

Packing, sorting, purging, packing, sorting, purging…you get the drift right? It just hit me last night that our moving truck is being loaded in 2 short weeks. Yikes! I probably shouldn’t be sitting here writing this, but well you know!
Trying to finish work out, and get everything transitioned well.
Running my 3 kids from here and there and then back again.
Getting ready for a garage sale and running that for 2 days – thank goodness that is over!
Running a household, or at least doing the best I can right now.

web100-6071 Then There Is California:

Helping Daryl make decisions on housing in CA – hallelujah that is over! Talk about stress beyond belief…yeeks! The good news though, we have a place to live in Cali!
Trying to get schools figured out and make sure we have everything in place for that transition now.
Starting the process of cancelling things here and getting things started there.
Figuring out what furniture we are taking with us and what we are leaving here. This part absolutely makes my brain hurt!
Trying to get times scheduled for my kids to have some one-on-one time with their friends before we depart.
Still trying to be a good friend and spend time with those I love! One thing I want to make sure of is that I don’t look back on these last few weeks here and wish I would have spent more time with friends!
Wondering what kind of moving materials we need to make sure the furniture we are taking makes it in one piece.
Do we really have to find a whole new bank? Yeah, we really do, but because our credit union has shared branches out there we can hold off on that for a bit longer.
Getting ready to go to DC with Rachel for her 8th grade trip. To be honest, I am kind of looking forward to a break from my life right now…even if it is with a bunch of middle schoolers!
Doing my best to not forget what it is like to be married – to say it has been a very rough last couple of weeks would be an understatement! There are so many feelings floating around for both of us right now, but I will save that for another blog post.
Did I mention packing, sorting purging? Oh yes, yes I did 🙂

With all the things on my to do list I have barely had time to think about how I am feeling! Most days I think I am doing ok, and then I decide to take all the pictures off my family room wall, and that sends me into a mini melt down!

I know without a shadow of a doubt that the next few weeks are going to hard on so many levels. All I can do is hold on to God with all I have right now and continue to trust that we are following His plan for our lives!

Until next time friends, just remember…it won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it!

April 24, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Well, my day was worse than yours!

web100-5612 These last 2 weeks have been rough! Well, if I am being completely honest they have just down right sucked. I am trying hard to stay positive, keep my head above water and not just end up mad at the world. Some days I do better than others, but man am I ready for some normalcy!

We had a great Spring Break. Florida was good to us. We had time to rest, relax, laugh, spend time with friends, soak up some sun and forget about the chaos that is our life right now. It did our whole family good! It felt normal and right to all be together, but boy it didn’t take long once we got home for life to kick back in. Ty spent the 2 nights before Daryl went back to CA crying himself to sleep, because he didn’t want his Daddy to leave. Yes, that ripped a hole in my heart. Then Rach said at dinner the night before he left that it just felt weird having Dad home. And there went the hole in Daryl’s heart!

As soon as Daryl went back to CA (just 2 weeks ago) life kicked into over drive. One kid in track at her school, with practice before school every morning and 2 meets a week. Two kids in travel soccer which means 3 days a week of practice and then games on the weekends. Last week I was in Ohio and Lafayette, IN for games. And this weekend I’m in Indianapolis, IN and Kalamazoo, MI. I Feel bad that I can’t see all of their games, but it just isn’t humanly possible! Add in, trying to schedule driving lessons for the eldest, upcoming spring choir concerts, work getting crazy busy for me in the next 3 weeks (with 3 nights that I will have to be away from home), trying to go through the house and get ready for a garage sale, packing, finalizing details on a moving company, keeping up with my house (inside and out), trying to be mom and dad to the kids, looking for houses in CA and the list just goes on and on. To say I am barely hanging on some days would be an understatement.

As the stress creeps in I can feel it pulling at both Daryl and I. It gets really easy to get frustrated at each other because they just don’t understand what the other one is going through. You start to feel like your needs aren’t being met, that the other person really doesn’t care and is to caught up in their own life to have any sympathy for you. Deep down you know none of this is really true, but it doesn’t stop the feelings from being there. Then you don’t talk as much as you should, you let days go by without really having a conversation. The texts are just questions, or information that needs to be given. After someone vents about their day the other person says “Oh yeah, well I have to do yada yada yada, and my day sucked even worse.” It’s a vicious cycle and one I am not proud of, but I am convinced that it’s what happens when you live across the country from each other. It’s easy to get mad and frustrated and stay that way when you don’t see the person every day. Now, don’t worry, Daryl and I are just fine! This is what marriage is… the good, the bad and all the in between! It’s real life! What I do know is that we will come out of this time having learned some lessons. And one of the big ones for me is DON’T live apart from your spouse!

As much as I may not want June to come as quickly as it is, I NEED June to come!

I need this part of the transition to be over!

I need help from my other half.

I need my family back to together again!

April 12, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

OH, CHANGE!

kids-young Change is an interesting and imminent word! Some love it and some hate it. I get that because when I look at pictures of my kids from this long ago I hate it, but when I think about the amazing young women and men they are growing up to be – I love it! For some people just hearing the word change sends them into cold sweats and makes them want to run for the hills. Then there is the other group that loves change, they find it exhilarating, they like it be right in the middle of it as much as possible and they crave the chaos that change can at times bring. Throughout my life I have seen people on both sides, and I am a true believer that living in either extreme just isn’t good for anyone.

I have seen how people deal with and react to change mostly in my job. When I am interviewing people, I talk to them about change because it is such a big part of working with a government run program. We talk about the fact you will just learn a new process and then it will change. At times, the change doesn’t seem to make any sense and may even cause more work. But often there is nothing you can do about it (at least for the time being). I ask them how they handle change. Does it make them cynical? Do they bad mouth the people who instituted the change? Do they jump in and get people all worked up about it? Or can they step back from it, think about it rationally (even if they don’t agree with it or it is going to make life a little harder) and embrace it?

I’m not really a fan of extremes, when it comes to how people deal with change or really anything in life for that matter! For the most part I think we do better living somewhere in the middle! I tell my kids all the time, can you eat foods that are unhealthy for you? Yes! Should you eat the whole bag of cookies, No! Is it ok every now and then to have a cookie or two, absolutely! I know that seems pretty simplistic, but I believe that most often in life it is the simple answer that we should look for!

Change in the workplace is one thing, but when it impacts our personal lives that is something completely different right? We want things to go smoothly in our personal life! Most of the time we work hard to get things set up the way we want them. We go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have 2 kids (a boy and a girl of course), find hobbies that we love, find a church and surround ourselves with people that we like and who for the most part believe like we do – and we just live! That’s the goal right? Once we have gotten there, life is what it should be right? But what happens when there is a change? What happens when that job falls apart and we have to find something else? What happens when a spouse decides that she really isn’t the one for him anymore? What happens when a friend changes their views on things and starts to pull away from you? Well, let’s be honest, that is change that we want to stomp our feet at and scream at the top of our lungs about. Change in policies at work, sure I can do that! But losing my job, my marriage, my best friend? Well that just sucks!

The reality is this: change in life is inevitable. It’s going to happen! Sometimes it will be change that we bring on ourselves and other times it will be something that happens to us. I have had many times in my life where change has happened to me! I didn’t want it, I didn’t like it and yes I may have stomped my feet like a 2 year old at times.

This time I am the one bringing on the change upon myself. We looked for it, sought it out and chose the path we’re now on. It just seemed like the right time to take that step. Does that make it easy for those in our life? Nope, not at all! I actually think it may make it harder! If we didn’t have a choice in it, then you can blame all of the emotions on someone/something else. But when all of the emotions come to the surface, there is no one to blame but us!

It has been a hard road at times with some of the people we love most in this world. There have been hurt feelings on both sides and many tears shed (at least by me)! The emotions may have been extreme in moments, but what I am thankful for is that none of us are willing to live there! We may have all stomped our feet in the beginning, but slowly we are beginning to embrace it. I am hoping that once family and friends come visit Southern California that they will actually be thankful that we moved there 🙂 I know that is simplistic, but here’s to hoping that the simple answer wins out in the end!