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Tammy McMullen

October 7, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Inquiring minds…they want to know!

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It’s true right? We have questions when people make a major life change. We want to know why in the world they would do something like that. Have they lost their minds? Are they having a mid life crisis? Are they running away from something? They just think the grass is greener on the other side right?

I think we may have had all of those things, and a few more, said to us before we moved.

People had a hard time understanding why we would move. Throw in the fact that we were moving to Southern California, and oh me oh my, the things that people said! Some days I had to make sure that I wasn’t using the wrong words and telling people that we were moving to a terrorist country by the way they reacted. If I am being honest, there were a lot of hurt feelings before we moved, but I will save that for a later post.

So, now that we have been in SoCal for a few months, I thought it might be interesting to answer some of the most popular questions we were asked, or comment on some of the things people told us we were going to experience..

Inquiring minds…here you go:

 

You know how expensive it is to live there right?

This had to be the statement we heard the most. I think it may have come out of everyone’s mouth when we told them (ok, that may be an exaggeration but it sure felt like everyone). Well, is it true? Is it really that expensive to live in SoCal? If all you are looking at is housing, then yes, yes it is. The prices of homes here are ridiculous, I call them “stupid expensive.” The problem…there are people here who can afford homes at that price, actually they can pay cash for those homes. In case you were wondering…no, that would not be me or most of the people I know here 🙂 So, yes the price to buy or rent a home is very expensive. Other than that though I have not seen a real difference between here and Granger, Indiana. I spend the same amount on groceries and have actually found that some things are less expensive here. Our utilities here are much less expensive than they were in Granger. Part of that is due to only running the air for about 2 weeks total this summer (gotta love the hot days, cool nights and no humidity…that is SoCal). From what I have heard you really don’t have to run your heat much in the winter either. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me…it is one of the many reasons I am good with living here!! Eating out tends to run about the same too. Now I don’t eat at the high end restaurants, and really have no desire to, so I’m sure you could spend a lot more there. Gas for your car is also a tad more expensive but to be honest, nothing like I was expecting. So if you take housing out of the equation (yes I know you can’t really do that unless you plan to live on the beach, which by the way I might be ok with) it really isn’t that different. Keep in mind you make more money here for the same job than you do other places (I think mostly so that you can afford to have a roof over your head…again stupid expensive housing), so that does help equal things out.

 

Traffic…you know you will be sitting in traffic for hours right?

Yes, there is more traffic. I guess that is what happens when you live with 3 million other people. Yes, it does take me longer to get some places. No, you don’t want to be on the 5 or 405 at certain times of the day. Truth is, you don’t live with that many people and not have traffic. But since they know that, most every road you drive on here is at least 3 lanes and the speed limit is 55 just about everywhere. I still find it hard to drive that fast in some areas. It just feels too fast to this Midwestern girl! The beautiful thing though is that Irvine is a planned community. What does that mean? It means that they plan ahead so that everything you need is within reach. Tyler’s school is right across the street from us, he either walks or rides his bike to school everyday. The girls HS is 10 minutes away and they are technically not at their neighborhood HS, if they were it would be about 5 minutes away. Within 5 minutes from us, we have a grocery store, gas station, Trader Joes, HomeGoods, Home Depot, Kohl’s, banks, restaurants, soccer fields, post office, etc. Just about anything we need! So yes, there is more traffic, yes you do have to plan more time to get some places but overall it isn’t as big of a deal as I expected it to be!

 

You know people there are just rude/mean/fake/catty
and list went on and on.

Oh and I would never want to raise a family there! Those were just a few of the things that I was told about people here in CA. I was telling a friend that I met here what people had said to me, and she couldn’t believe that people actually felt that way about Californians. I had to laugh, because she is a native Californian and just couldn’t understand it. I told her I thought that probably came from the TV shows that people watch and that this area gets lumped in with LA and all the craziness that exists in the Hollywood scene. What I have found is people are people…all made in the image of God! Sure we have our differences, but you find those differences every where you go. I have met some of the nicest people here in CA, people who took it upon themselves to talk to me, invite me to coffee, invite my family over for a BBQ, etc. Now in the name of honesty I have had a run in with someone who wasn’t so encouraging, but I just smiled and let her speak her peace – deciding that it wasn’t worth my time or energy (though don’t get me wrong I had all sorts of things I wanted to say to her :)). But here is the thing, I had those same kind of run-ins with people in Granger. Midwesterners have this idea that people in California are catty and uppity, but again, there are those same types in the good ole Midwest. The biggest difference I’ve seen with people here are cultural differences. There are so many nationalities represented in Irvine. At times that can be intimidating, because I don’t feel like I have anything in common with them. But I have decided that a simple smile speaks a thousand words, and can go a long way. I take it upon myself to make eye contact with as many people as I can each day and make sure that I give them the biggest smile. I hope that smile communicates I’m glad to see them, and that I am grateful that God has given us this world to share.

I could continue this list but I am sure most of you have stopped reading by now 🙂 Here is what I have come to believe:

People are scared of change and the things they know nothing about.

It is much easier for most of us to live in our comfortable little bubble and assume we know how the rest of the world lives. Yep, that used to be me too. But here is what I have come to understand – God created it all! He made us and different parts of the country different for a reason, and thank goodness he did (have you seen the majesty of the mountains or the vastness of the ocean?). So, I am choosing to open my mind and heart and not be scared of differences. Instead, I’m trying to embrace it and teach my children that change is not something to be feared, but to be embraced.

So there you have it inquiring minds…now you know! Feel free to resume life as normal, or come visit me and check out SoCal for yourself. Be careful though, you might just fall in love!

 

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September 12, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Is it summer or just a vacation?

How is it September already? I know we say this every summer, but really, where did the summer go? I know summer is kind of a loose term here in Cali since we don’t get winter like most of us think of winter, but the kids are back in school so summer is, as we like to think of it, now over!

It was an interesting summer for us to say the least. From the moment we left IN it just kind of felt like a vacation. We expected our drive out here would feel like that, but that “feeling” didn’t really go away once we got to CA. Now don’t get me wrong, I have had several moments where it didn’t feel like vacation at all. Say for instance, arriving in a new state where you know a total of 5 people (and one of those 5 was a toddler, an adorable one, but a toddler nonetheless) and then your husband leaves for a work trip for 5 days. You are the one who gets to make sure the truck carrying all of our belongings gets to a house that is so new it barely shows up on Google Maps! Then there is the unloading and unpacking so you can feel some sort of normalcy – even if that “normalcy” is sleeping on mattresses on the floor for 4 nights. Then add in that you don’t know how to get anywhere and there are all sorts of things to be bought. Oh and throw in the fact that our neighborhood is new and there are new houses going up everyday, so they gate off the back entrance into the neighborhood at night, and that’s the way your GPS always wants to take you! The kids just reminded me that I had a moment that first week where I tried to get in that back way at night and couldn’t so had to turn around and hope and pray that Google maps would re-route me the right way (which of course it did and my mini panic attack subsided :))!

All I can say is thank goodness I had my 3 kids to help those first few days. They completely unpacked the entire kitchen for me. Yep, they were rock stars.

Even though that week was a tad stressful, it still at times felt like a vacation. We were eating out a lot and buying many new things, oh and also having dessert on a regular basis (the McMullens’ do love their dessert). I had to keep reminding the kids that we weren’t on vacation – that this was just a stage in the process, and as soon as life got settled it would be back to normal.

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Well, that didn’t really happen! There were too many new things to experience here. It was summer after all so “why not” was my motto. Our summer adventures were pretty amazing. We hit the beach and the pool often, Ty paddle-boarded and learned to surf, we went to Sea World with my family, spent an afternoon in La Jolla (pretty sure this is my favorite Cali spot so far). We went to the Surfing and Skateboarding competition on Huntington Beach, watched some beach volleyball Olympians play on Long Beach, and did something the kids have been begging to do for quite awhile…Universal Studios (pretty sure that day went down as one of their faves of the summer)!! We also traveled back to Utah for a family reunion. We got to spend time with family that we hadn’t seen in years and it was SO much fun!

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But even doing all of those things, we still had a lot of down time. The kids hadn’t really met anyone yet, so I became their entertainment…every day! Now, don’t get me wrong, I love my kids and love spending time with them, but the question of the day (every single day, and I’m not exaggerating) was “what are we going to do today?” Soon that question became very annoying. I have never been a parent that feels like I need to entertain my children, but then I also felt badly because I knew they had no one else but their family. But we made it through, and we all still want to spend time together so I guess that is a good sign 🙂

Even though we had moments of sadness and nothing really felt normal, I am pretty sure this summer will go down as the summer that felt like a 2 month vacation…and you know what? I am perfectly fine with that!

 

 

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August 19, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Ditch your beach vacation- like now!!

As I said in my last blog post we decided to turn our drive out to Cali into a mini vacation and see all sorts of things along the way. We knew we might need that time together as a family, to reconnect and remember what it was like to be a family of 5 again, and boy were we right! It felt so good to be together, even if we were stuck in a packed car where you could barely move 🙂

What a trip it was! I have to give a HUGE shoutout to my husband, as he plotted and planned the whole thing out! We asked the kids as we were planning it what they had to see and they all said the Grand Canyon hands down, so we planned our trip out around that, but man did we see so many other things.

We took 6 days to drive from IN to CA. Our first day was driving from IN to SD. We didn’t leave till 4:30pm and had 9+ hours of driving ahead of us – but it was a must do so that we could get all of our other stops in.

We did A LOT of driving, a lot of sight seeing and not a whole lot of sleeping (we lived off my mantra, “you can sleep when you die”). Here are the amazing things we saw/did:

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  • The Badlands: We decided last minute to stop and it ended up being one of our family faves

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  • Mt. Rushmore: Very cool!

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  • Crazy Horse: This was probably our least favorite stop.

devils-tower

  • Devils Tower: Another fun stop that we got in just before dark… And with just enough gas to almost run out…

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  • Powell & Cody, WY: Spent the day in Wyoming seeing where Daryl spent 7 years growing up, it was so fun to see it all through his eyes. And we went to the famous Cody Nite Rodeo, a first for me and the kids!

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  • Yellowstone/Old Faithful: Nothing like seeing wild animals walk up right next to you.

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  • Grand Tetons: Umm WOW!

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  • Sandy, UT: Did our first real family hike in Utah with my family. I had no idea how beautiful Utah was, I think we were all smitten!

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  • Grand Canyon: We hiked about a mile down into the canyon, pretty sure we told the kids about a hundred times to make sure they stayed next to the rocks and AWAY from the edge! 🙂

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  • The Hoeft’s (Phoenix, AZ): We spent our last night on the road with friends from Granger who moved to AZ, it was so good for my soul to have that time with them and their family!

It was an absolutely amazing 6 days. I found myself feeling so grateful that we got to see and experience all the things we did. You really have no idea how amazing and beautiful the “West” is until you see it first hand! Here is what I would tell you…whatever you thought your next family vacation would be (the beach, another country, etc.) don’t do it until you have seen the west

Take the time and the money to see the west, it will be worth every hour in the car and every penny spent.

I mean it…cancel the beach trip you had planned…like right now!! Remember, this is coming from the girl who LOVES the beach!!

It really is a once in a lifetime trip and I am beyond grateful that our family was able to experience all that we did!

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July 19, 2016 In General By Tammy McMullen

On Our Way

It has been a month since I have written anything, I suppose time flies when you are having fun…or moving across the country 🙂 The last month has been pretty crazy! Before we left Granger, the kids finished 5th, 8th and 9th grade, we closed on our house, packed up all of our belongings and watched them drive away in a truck, sent 2 of our kids to youth group camp, had a surprise going away party thrown by my 2 best friends and said goodbye to our friends and family!girls-night-out-hacienda

That last part…yeah that wasn’t easy!

The last week we were in town we spent quality time with some of our best friends. Every time we got together with them I remember thinking, “this isn’t it, we aren’t really saying goodbye, we will see them again before we leave.” I think really deep down it just hadn’t hit me that we were really leaving.

That “leaving” day came though, much to my dismay! I had done pretty well leading up to that point. I figured I would be a crying mess most of the week leading up to this day, but I had held strong. Then all the people we love most in the world showed up to say their final goodbyes and watch us drive away. As I walked around and said goodbye and gave hugs, the tears started to come.

We are really doing this right?

But we love these people! These people are family, and friends that are just like family! Are we really going to leave them?

Even as we pulled away, with our van loaded so tight that there was barely room for the kids, and looked at those we love in the rear view mirror, it still hadn’t hit me…we are really on our way!

On our way to a place with palm trees and constant sunshine.mcmillen-signs

On our way to a place where the beach will be about 20 minutes away, and the mountains can be seen out of our windows.

On our way to a place where housing is stupid expensive, for no real reason (at least in my book)!

On our way to a place where we don’t have our friends and our kids don’t have their friends.

As I look back now, I am pretty sure the only thing that got me through those goodbyes was our trip out west. Daryl and I decided it would be best for our whole family to have some time to process the move. And what better way to do that than to see the “west” as we drove west! Our trip to California was absolutely fantastic – but we’ll have to save that for another post so you aren’t here all day 🙂

It was so good to be together…especially after spending 5 months apart! We needed that time.

It was good.

It was helpful.

It was fun!

But it just felt like a vacation.

We were going home right?

No…no we weren’t!

This is home now…or at least the place we live!

 

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May 22, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Yep, I am still here

web100-6143I know, I know…it has been way too long since I have written anything! Believe me, I have so many things to say and to update you on. But time is not my friend right now! I need about 5 more hours in a day or the ability to not have to sleep would be great too!

So what has been going on in the McMullen world you may ask? Well here is a short list:

  • Packing, sorting, purging, packing, sorting, purging…you get the drift right? It just hit me last night that our moving truck is being loaded in 2 short weeks. Yikes! I probably shouldn’t be sitting here writing this, but well you know!
  • Trying to finish work out, and get everything transitioned well.
  • Running my 3 kids from here and there and then back again.
  • Getting ready for a garage sale and running that for 2 days – thank goodness that is over!
  • Running a household, or at least doing the best I can right now.

web100-6071Then There Is California:

  • Helping Daryl make decisions on housing in CA – hallelujah that is over! Talk about stress beyond belief…yeeks! The good news though, we have a place to live in Cali!
  • Trying to get schools figured out and make sure we have everything in place for that transition now.
  • Starting the process of cancelling things here and getting things started there.
  • Figuring out what furniture we are taking with us and what we are leaving here. This part absolutely makes my brain hurt!
  • Trying to get times scheduled for my kids to have some one-on-one time with their friends before we depart.
  • Still trying to be a good friend and spend time with those I love! One thing I want to make sure of is that I don’t look back on these last few weeks here and wish I would have spent more time with friends!
  • Wondering what kind of moving materials we need to make sure the furniture we are taking makes it in one piece.
  • Do we really have to find a whole new bank? Yeah, we really do, but because our credit union has shared branches out there we can hold off on that for a bit longer.
  • Getting ready to go to DC with Rachel for her 8th grade trip. To be honest, I am kind of looking forward to a break from my life right now…even if it is with a bunch of middle schoolers!
  • Doing my best to not forget what it is like to be married – to say it has been a very rough last couple of weeks would be an understatement! There are so many feelings floating around for both of us right now, but I will save that for another blog post.
  • Did I mention packing, sorting purging? Oh yes, yes I did 🙂

With all the things on my to do list I have barely had time to think about how I am feeling! Most days I think I am doing ok, and then I decide to take all the pictures off my family room wall, and that sends me into a mini melt down!

I know without a shadow of a doubt that the next few weeks are going to hard on so many levels. All I can do is hold on to God with all I have right now and continue to trust that we are following His plan for our lives!

Until next time friends, just remember…it won’t be easy, but it’ll be worth it!

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April 24, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

Well, my day was worse than yours!

web100-5612These last 2 weeks have been rough! Well, if I am being completely honest they have just down right sucked. I am trying hard to stay positive, keep my head above water and not just end up mad at the world. Some days I do better than others, but man am I ready for some normalcy!

We had a great Spring Break. Florida was good to us. We had time to rest, relax, laugh, spend time with friends, soak up some sun and forget about the chaos that is our life right now. It did our whole family good! It felt normal and right to all be together, but boy it didn’t take long once we got home for life to kick back in. Ty spent the 2 nights before Daryl went back to CA crying himself to sleep, because he didn’t want his Daddy to leave. Yes, that ripped a hole in my heart. Then Rach said at dinner the night before he left that it just felt weird having Dad home. And there went the hole in Daryl’s heart!

As soon as Daryl went back to CA (just 2 weeks ago) life kicked into over drive. One kid in track at her school, with practice before school every morning and 2 meets a week. Two kids in travel soccer which means 3 days a week of practice and then games on the weekends. Last week I was in Ohio and Lafayette, IN for games. And this weekend I’m in Indianapolis, IN and Kalamazoo, MI. I Feel bad that I can’t see all of their games, but it just isn’t humanly possible! Add in, trying to schedule driving lessons for the eldest, upcoming spring choir concerts, work getting crazy busy for me in the next 3 weeks (with 3 nights that I will have to be away from home), trying to go through the house and get ready for a garage sale, packing, finalizing details on a moving company, keeping up with my house (inside and out), trying to be mom and dad to the kids, looking for houses in CA and the list just goes on and on. To say I am barely hanging on some days would be an understatement.

As the stress creeps in I can feel it pulling at both Daryl and I. It gets really easy to get frustrated at each other because they just don’t understand what the other one is going through. You start to feel like your needs aren’t being met, that the other person really doesn’t care and is to caught up in their own life to have any sympathy for you. Deep down you know none of this is really true, but it doesn’t stop the feelings from being there. Then you don’t talk as much as you should, you let days go by without really having a conversation. The texts are just questions, or information that needs to be given. After someone vents about their day the other person says “Oh yeah, well I have to do yada yada yada, and my day sucked even worse.” It’s a vicious cycle and one I am not proud of, but I am convinced that it’s what happens when you live across the country from each other. It’s easy to get mad and frustrated and stay that way when you don’t see the person every day. Now, don’t worry, Daryl and I are just fine! This is what marriage is… the good, the bad and all the in between! It’s real life! What I do know is that we will come out of this time having learned some lessons. And one of the big ones for me is DON’T live apart from your spouse!

As much as I may not want June to come as quickly as it is, I NEED June to come!

I need this part of the transition to be over!

I need help from my other half.

I need my family back to together again!

 

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April 12, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

OH, CHANGE!

kids-youngChange is an interesting and imminent word! Some love it and some hate it. I get that because when I look at pictures of my kids from this long ago I hate it, but when I think about the amazing young women and men they are growing up to be – I love it! For some people just hearing the word change sends them into cold sweats and makes them want to run for the hills. Then there is the other group that loves change, they find it exhilarating, they like it be right in the middle of it as much as possible and they crave the chaos that change can at times bring. Throughout my life I have seen people on both sides, and I am a true believer that living in either extreme just isn’t good for anyone.

I have seen how people deal with and react to change mostly in my job. When I am interviewing people, I talk to them about change because it is such a big part of working with a government run program. We talk about the fact you will just learn a new process and then it will change. At times, the change doesn’t seem to make any sense and may even cause more work. But often there is nothing you can do about it (at least for the time being). I ask them how they handle change. Does it make them cynical? Do they bad mouth the people who instituted the change? Do they jump in and get people all worked up about it? Or can they step back from it, think about it rationally (even if they don’t agree with it or it is going to make life a little harder) and embrace it?

I’m not really a fan of extremes, when it comes to how people deal with change or really anything in life for that matter! For the most part I think we do better living somewhere in the middle! I tell my kids all the time, can you eat foods that are unhealthy for you? Yes! Should you eat the whole bag of cookies, No! Is it ok every now and then to have a cookie or two, absolutely! I know that seems pretty simplistic, but I believe that most often in life it is the simple answer that we should look for!

Change in the workplace is one thing, but when it impacts our personal lives that is something completely different right? We want things to go smoothly in our personal life! Most of the time we work hard to get things set up the way we want them. We go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have 2 kids (a boy and a girl of course), find hobbies that we love, find a church and surround ourselves with people that we like and who for the most part believe like we do – and we just live! That’s the goal right? Once we have gotten there, life is what it should be right? But what happens when there is a change? What happens when that job falls apart and we have to find something else? What happens when a spouse decides that she really isn’t the one for him anymore? What happens when a friend changes their views on things and starts to pull away from you? Well, let’s be honest, that is change that we want to stomp our feet at and scream at the top of our lungs about. Change in policies at work, sure I can do that! But losing my job, my marriage, my best friend? Well that just sucks!

The reality is this: change in life is inevitable. It’s going to happen! Sometimes it will be change that we bring on ourselves and other times it will be something that happens to us. I have had many times in my life where change has happened to me! I didn’t want it, I didn’t like it and yes I may have stomped my feet like a 2 year old at times.

This time I am the one bringing on the change upon myself. We looked for it, sought it out and chose the path we’re now on. It just seemed like the right time to take that step. Does that make it easy for those in our life? Nope, not at all! I actually think it may make it harder! If we didn’t have a choice in it, then you can blame all of the emotions on someone/something else. But when all of the emotions come to the surface, there is no one to blame but us!

It has been a hard road at times with some of the people we love most in this world. There have been hurt feelings on both sides and many tears shed (at least by me)! The emotions may have been extreme in moments, but what I am thankful for is that none of us are willing to live there! We may have all stomped our feet in the beginning, but slowly we are beginning to embrace it. I am hoping that once family and friends come visit Southern California that they will actually be thankful that we moved there 🙂 I know that is simplistic, but here’s to hoping that the simple answer wins out in the end!

 

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March 21, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

LET’S BE REAL

tammy-daryl-xmasThere were a lot of conversations, thoughts and prayers that went into making the decision to move, and to have our family separated for close to 5 months. Daryl and I talked about what it would be like to be apart for that long. We talked through logistics, talked about those things that he HAD to be home for, talked about what needed to be done before he left and talked about how the kids would handle it. We even had several conversations about what it would mean for our relationship. How we would handle being apart, what we would need to do to stay connected and how we might feel when we came back together again for good. Even though I felt like we talked about everything we could think of, I don’t think any of it prepared us for some of the emotions we have experienced.

Leading up to Daryl leaving I was pretty emotional. As we walked around the house and he showed me all of the things I needed to know (you know those things I never cared about before, like how to turn the water off in the house, because I knew he had it covered) I just cried. Anytime anyone said goodbye to him I cried. As he packed up his stuff I cried. You get the point. I was pretty much an emotional wreck leading up to his departure. When the day came for him to leave, nothing changed. As he said goodbye to the kids, I cried (and felt incredibly sad for them). As he and his Dad pulled out of the driveway I cried. As I went through my day, I cried. When dinner time came that night, I cried. Through all of that he was the strong one. He kept telling me that he would see us in a few weeks, that we would talk or FaceTime whenever we wanted. He kept telling me “Don’t cry, it will all be ok.”

As the first and second week went by it got a little easier, but dinner time and Friday afternoons were still hard! Around 5pm every night I would find myself waiting for him to walk in the door from work, and when that didn’t happen I would get sad. It didn’t help that the kids were also pretty mopey during dinner time. After a couple of days, Ty said “It is so sad that Dad isn’t here for dinner with us every night, his chair seems so lonely.” That night he drew a person, cut it out and taped it to Daryl’s chair. Now Dad would be with us for dinner every night 🙂

Friday evenings were hard too. Friday night is normally family night in our house. A night where we are all huddled together after a long week. It was also a reminder that the weekend was here, a time that I used to look forward to, but now it just made me sad. We would talk or FaceTime with Daryl on Friday night and as I said goodbye I would get emotional. Again, Daryl would remind me that it was all going to be ok and that he would be home soon (soon to me means SOON, you know like a couple of hours or maybe even a day or 2. but over 3 weeks didn’t really count as soon in my book).

As the days went by things got easier. We got used to our new normal! We counted down the days until we got to go to Cali, and I cried less and less. I would still tell Daryl how much I missed him and how I wasn’t really a fan of doing life on my own. He would tell me that he missed me too, but he always stayed overly positive! To be honest, this started to irritate me. I didn’t feel like he was being real with me and I long for people in my life to be “real.” It started to make me feel like it didn’t really bother him that we were apart. It started to make me question things I don’t normally question. I thought all of that would go away as soon as we saw each other again, so I couldn’t wait for our trip to Cali at the end of January.

The trip was great, we had a fantastic time! It was amazing to be together again, but there were moments that just felt awkward! This was my husband, and awkward wasn’t a feeling I have had around him for a very long time. I didn’t like it, and I wasn’t ok with it! As I thought about it, I knew it was because we weren’t being real with each other. He was doing his best to stay positive and act like living apart was no big deal – so he could be strong for me (this all came out after me saying “I’m done with the overly positive attitude, just be real and tell me how you are feeling. I don’t want you to tell me that it will all be ok, I want you to tell me that this sucks!”) He heard me! And in hearing me the real truth came out!

Leading up to Daryl leaving, and really for the first month or so that he was gone, all I really thought about was how it was affecting the kids and I. I had this notion that he was loving life out there and that he really didn’t mind being alone most of the time. He is an introvert and likes to be home and by himself at times, so this was the perfect scenario for him, right? Nope, not really! What I have come to realize is that he is pretty lonely out there. I remember a friend telling me before Daryl left that I had to think about how he was going to feel being alone. After all, the kids and I would have each other and would continue to live life as normal. But he would be living a completely new life with nothing normal to hold onto.

I don’t think the loneliness really set in for him until the last month or so. We are so blessed to have my Aunt and Uncle out there, and Daryl lived with them for the first month and a half, which was a great thing for him on so many levels! He was given an opportunity to live closer to work in February, which meant 3 less hours a day for him the car. Obviously this was a no-brainer. But what we didn’t realize is how lonely he would feel in that environment. I know it would drive me CRAZY to be by myself every night. That would be torture for me, but I think he is feeling the same way.

To be honest, there is part of me that wishes he would have just continued to stay with my Aunt and Uncle! I know that doesn’t make sense given the driving he was doing, but he had people that were there, and could provide that level of support that we have here. I keep asking myself, “Did we make the right decision to live apart for 5 months?” My answer for my kids continues to be yes. But it also kills me to know that my other half is lonely! If you know my husband, could you do me a favor? Could you reach out to him, check in on him or just ask him how things are going? I know if it was me, the only thing that would get me through is hearing from my family and friends on a regular basis!

Thanks friends!

Don’t forget to love each other well! You never know where life is going to take you, so love those around you with all you have! My hope is that people in my life never have to guess how I feel about them, and that they will know that they are loved beyond measure! I hope the same for each and every one of you!

 

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March 13, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS?

kids-winter-2015Every time I tell our story about moving to Cali, anyone who knows us always asks about the kids. How are they taking it? What do they think? Have they stopped talking to you? (ok they don’t really ask this but I know they are thinking it :)) I bet your 15 year old is having a really hard time?

It doesn’t surprise me that people ask about the kids, what normal person wouldn’t when they know that you are moving 2 teenagers and a pre-teen away from everything they have ever known. It actually warms my heart a little to know that people are worried about our kids and want the best for them. I am sure there are some people out there who will probably miss our kids more than they will miss us, which I totally understand! My Dad actually told us that he was ok with us moving, but it saddened him that we were taking the kids with us. I offered to leave them here with him, but I assured him they would send them back 🙂

Overall, I would say they are doing pretty well. They are still talking to us! And they are pretty open about their feelings – so I guess that is something… They are very different people – which I absolutely love. Side note: I think it is so cool that the same 2 people can have 15 kids and each would be completely different than the others. What an amazing God we have!

So how is each one of them handling it you ask? Thought I would give you a little insight into that below:

Allie (15): When this moved seemed imminent, she was the one I worried about the most. She has a great group of friends, she has a soccer team that she loves and has been playing on since she was 9 years old. She likes high school and made her high school soccer team. I just kept thinking, “She is not going to be happy with us, and this is going to be SO hard for her.” However, she has completely surprised us. I would say she is the one that is most excited. Is she sad about leaving her friends? Absolutely! But she is able to see past the sadness and is excited about what is in front of her. She is our high adventure kid. Her bucket list contains things like sky diving, bungee jumping, swimming with sharks…you get my point! She looks at Indiana as boring and is excited about all the different things there will be to do and experience in California. She is worried about making new friends, where she will sit at lunch the first day of school and if she will make a soccer team out there. Little did we know we are headed into the “hot bed” of girls soccer – which will be great for her, but also is a little intimidating at the same time. What I appreciate most about how she is handling all of this is that she is leading the way for her siblings. I think that it would be much harder on them if she was angry and frustrated about it all!

Rachel (13): I would say right now that Rach is the one struggling with the move the most. To be honest, I wasn’t really worried too much about her at the beginning. She is outgoing and makes friends easily, so I thought “Oh, she will be just fine.” It’s true that she makes friends easily and she is very outgoing, but she also LOVES our family traditions and looks forward to the things we do every year with friends and family! When we went to Florida last year for Spring Break with friends she remembered that the first time we had been with the same group, we stopped at the “Welcome to Florida” sign and took a picture. She made sure that we did the same thing and even wanted everyone in the same places. She is also the one who loves and feels things very deeply. She has a group of friends that she LOVES, she has been friends with them since elementary school and she is mourning the loss of getting to do all the things she thought she would do with them. She, like her sister, is worried about making new friends and worries that everyone will already have their group – leaving her without one. She also wants to continue singing and acting and is making sure that we start looking for places to get her plugged in. She has times when she is very sad about our move and has recently told me that sometimes she cries herself to sleep. This breaks my heart as her mom, but we just keep talking about it and I keep reassuring her that it is ok and normal to be sad. The more research we do about opportunities for her out there, the more I see her eyes light up! Her and I are a lot alike emotionally – I truly believe that as long as we keep talking about her feelings and working through them, that she will come out on the other side just fine.

Tyler (11): To be honest, I have the hardest time reading how Ty is feeling about it all. I suppose that has a lot to do with the fact that he is a boy and is only 11. He takes a lot of cues from Rach, but he doesn’t feel things quite as deeply as she does. He was pretty adamant when we first talked about moving that he get to finish 5th grade, so right now he is pretty stoked that he’s getting to. I also think he is one of those kids who just lives in the moment. He doesn’t think too far in advance, so right now life is pretty normal and June feels forever away. I know at times he is thinking about the change, because he will say things like, “Before we move. I am going to do…” I know one of the things that will be the hardest for him is leaving behind his 2 best friends. He has said to me several times that he wishes he could take them to California with him. We will be looking for a new soccer team for him, and checking into hockey out there, along with getting him immediately involved with the Junior High Ministry at Mariners. I can’t tell you how thankful I am that they continue the Jr. High ministry in the summer as it will be an automatic onramp for him! The other thing that I think will be good for him is that it looks like 6th grade is still part of Elementary School. He doesn’t think that he will like this because he is done having to walk in straight lines…who knew that was such a bother 🙂 I, on the other hand, think it will be helpful for him to get to know new people and make new friends in a smaller environment.

There are many things about the move that excite me, and many things that worry/scare me. How it will impact my kids is at the top of that list! I know this will change the footprint of their lives, but I also know that God loves them more than I do. I am trusting Him and the plan He has for our family and am praying like crazy! If you ever find yourself thinking about our family and could say a quick prayer for my kids I would be forever grateful!

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March 5, 2016 In Moving to Cali By Tammy McMullen

ARE YOU SURE GOD?

mariners-worship-centerMoving across the country is an easy decision right? You apply for a job, you interview, the offer comes and as long as all the numbers add up and you know you can make it work. So it’s an easy “yes” right? After all, you were the one who started looking. You decided that you were ready for a change. You knew you wanted to be someplace warm. You knew that it would mean a move for your family. But an easy decision?? Not at all! Actually, it is one of the hardest decisions we have made!

I knew that this decision wasn’t just up to us. I knew that in order for us to make the best decision, God had to be apart of the equation. I will admit, I have had times in my life when I feel really close to God, and I have also had times where I feel pretty far away from Him. Even in those time where I felt far away, I have never questioned my beliefs. I know that God exists, I know that He wants to be a part of our lives, I know that He loves us and is for us and listens to us. But I get lazy sometimes, I let life get in the way and I stop praying on a regular basis. I made a commitment to myself last year that I would turn the radio off in my car every morning and I would pray. I have a pretty regular routine most mornings so I knew this would get me in the habit of praying again, and it did.

As the opportunity at Mariners started to fall into place, I found myself praying quite often. I really didn’t have any desire to move to Cali. It was too far away and way too expensive. I was pretty sure that there was no way that God was going to send us there. Again, He knew what was best for us, and we hadn’t even really discussed living in CA? As things got more real and it seemed that Cali was a viable option, I found myself feeling the need to pray at random times throughout the day. I remember waking up one night in the middle of night, and just felt God telling me to pray. I didn’t really know why I needed to pray, or for what, but that had never happened to me before. To be honest, I still don’t know exactly why I was woken up like that, but I learned that I needed to act on those nudges that I was getting.

Before Daryl and I made our trip to Cali in August to interview and check the area out, I felt God tell me to “Trust Him.” Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hear an audible voice. He didn’t write that in the sky for me. As I was praying one day, those words just came to me and I knew it was God. Before this, I had only had one other time in my life when I felt God “talk” to me like that. Ok, I get it God – you are here and listening. You are asking me to trust you. Ok, makes sense, I get it. But again I really don’t want to move that far away. I actually asked God to close doors in Cali. Yep, I admit it, I did! If doors were closed, it would be an easy decision right? God didn’t do that though, he actually did the exact opposite.

We felt like every door we walked through while we were in Cali just felt right. I remember as we were driving around thinking, “Ok, maybe we could do this.” But again doubt crept in. I thought about our kids, I thought about our family and friends, I thought about how expensive it is, I thought about how hard it would be to pick our lives up and move here. I came back to, “I don’t really think I want to do this, this is scary…really scary!”

One day as Daryl was interviewing I decided to walk the campus at Mariners. As I walked, I prayed about how scared I was feeling. I had probably walked the same path about 4 times already, but all the sudden I found myself tripping over something, and literally fell into the bushes. I took a quick inventory. “Nope, no one was around to watch me make a fool out of myself,” so I continued on. The next time I came upon that spot, I slowed down my pace and my brain for just a couple of seconds to make sure it didn’t happen again, and these two words stirred in my soul: “Be Brave!”

At this point, there was no denying it. As much as I didn’t think this is what I wanted to do, I knew for a fact that this is what God was asking us to do. I tell my kids all the time to listen to God and follow His path for their lives. Could I really do the exact opposite, when I knew what God was asking us to do? I knew the answer was no. I knew I needed to trust him and be brave! To be honest, I still don’t know why God is calling us to Cali. I would love to think it is for the nice weather, ocean and palm trees. But I am pretty sure that isn’t the case 🙂 For now, I am just believing that His ways are better than mine, trying to remember that He loves my family more than I do, and letting my Faith Be Bigger Than My Fear!

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